Thursday...

Today was just a really good day. And I don't know why. Nothing particularly great happened. It was another day working til 7 at the office. And yet, the ride home I was just in a happy relaxed mood. I felt joyful.

Last night when I went to bed I felt stressed. I felt this tension. And I couldn’t figure out why. I think I was thinking about wedding stuff and how I can't do much from here and for some reason those things were stressing me out. Even though I told myself that it wasn't worth worrying over. That I will have plenty of time and worrying won't help. I woke up this morning still feeling unsettled, restless, and lonely. But then, by circumstances of the morning, I ended up having an extra long time to sit and drink tea and read. So, I read a chapter in Knowing God. It was talking about how, as Christians, we are God's adopted children. And it went through so much of what that means. It's something we know from the time we're little. But what does it look like? What does it mean for my life each and every day? It was exactly what I needed this morning. To realize that God is my Father. I am his child. He loves me, cares about me, is there with me always. And then I started to think about how if my dad had been sitting at the table with me this morning, I wouldn't have felt lonely at all. I would've talked to him about all that's going on in my head and all that I was processing through. I would've had conversation with someone who knows me and understands me and knows where I'm coming from. And that's what I can and do have with my heavenly Father as well. Why should I be feeling lonely? I can talk to him just as if I'm talking to my dad. And although I may not have the same verbal response as my dad would give, I know that a certain peace and rest comes upon me when I take the time and do just that.

So, with that new mindset and feeling a great deal more peaceful and less tense, I headed off to work. It was an average day. Nothing spectacular. Did some of the same things I've been working on. More grant proposals (which, I was asked by Alice today where I learned to write grant proposals. Which I was like uh oh (that could mean one of two things...either I'm good at it and she's impressed or I'm absolutely awful and she's wondering who the heck taught me. Thankfully it was more the former.)...point is, I realize that I don't have to be nervous going into things that I've never done before. I have the ability to read up on it and go and do it. I think she was surprised to hear that no, I didn't take a class on it. I was just forewarned that I should probably have an idea of how to do it before I go so I looked up 2 different postings on the internet about grant writing). Anyways. What made today good? Well, just little things really.

Alice brought food for her and I for lunch from home. And we're sitting in her office eating and all of a sudden Mawanda comes in with a half of a huge avocado and gestures to me asking if I would like it. I think my face lit up to the moon (that's the phrase that came to me as I was typing...I have no idea if it's a legitimate phrase or why I decided to use that terminology but anyways) because he got this big smile on his face. Mawanda is the driver. And he cleans the office and runs errands for the staff. He is the first and last one working each day as he has to walk or take a boda boda (motorcycle taxi) to the house to get the car which is parked in Alice's garage each night. He then drives us around, cleans, and runs errands all day...and I admit, he has a lot of down time in between...but then he has to drive us home at night and stop while we run errands and buy food and then he has to walk or hopefully catch a boda boda back out to where he stays. I say hopefully because Alice lives in a pretty remote location. Especially at night when it's dark. Anyways, Mawanda is a sweet guy. Pretty quiet natured. Very kind to me. Always saying hello, welcome, and how was your night. Our communication doesn't go much further. Which was a bit awkward the past 3 days as Alice was in Nairobi so he would just drive me in the morning and at night and it was mostly just silence that hour each way. I don't know...I mean, maybe it's not just me or our language barrier. Maybe drivers are pretty silent. Anyways, I try asking questions but I notice the answer is always "yes" or "mm". Or I ask a question and the answer is two words that have nothing to do with what I asked. I should probably work on my Luganda because I would like to talk to him. I think at times and by some people, he's pretty under appreciated. And though I don't always understand the culture and how people interact and what's normal and what's not, I can tell when he's a bit put out. So I try to always offer an enthusiastic smile and good morning. And be an encouragement to him even when I can't necessarily use any words beyond weebale (thank you) to do so.

Then it was about 6:45 and Lutie (the accountant) and I are just sitting waiting for Alice to be done her meeting so we can all leave. And we're just chatting about stuff. She was trying to think about what she had at home food-wise and if she needed to stop to get anything to supplement that and what she would make for dinner. And I was telling her how I always do the same thing. Either towards the end of a long class or on my bike ride home each day in Corvallis. I think about what I have...which is typically rice or pasta, cans of beans and stewed tomatoes, and frozen spinach...and what I can make with it.   And then we were talking about roasted maize and how delicious it is. And then she asked if the weather was cold for me. And I said, no I think it feels great out (it was a bit on the cooler side today but oh so nice). And she said oh, and tugged on my long sleeve shirt. And so I had to admit that I was wearing long sleeves because I had ran out of clothes. Alice told me to have Ida (the house help. Awesome and funny girl) wash them with the rest of the family's (I felt bad but Alice insisted that I don't have time to do it. It's not a quick throw-it-in-the-machine process...which given the work schedule she's kind of right)...anyways, that was Monday that I gave them to her. I kept like two skirts and two short sleeve shirts out figuring I'd have the rest of them back soon. Well, it's almost Friday and I still haven't gotten them back. So, I was wearing a skirt that I had ripped  (the one time I don't travel with that little sewing kit my mom insists I take everywhere...you were right) and attempted to pin back together AND that I had been using as a towel the last week since mine was in the wash (I didn't reveal that part to Lutie) and the long sleeve shirt because that's literally pretty much all I had left. She thought it was hilarious. I don't know why that conversation put me in a good mood. Maybe because it actually felt like a conversation between friends. I enjoyed it.

I don't know. I noticed on the way home I just felt light and carefree. Happy. Joyful. I just watched as we drove by the crowded streets. Little vendors everywhere. People and cars in places you shouldn't be able to fit either. The hilarious party music on the radio. And I just smiled to myself. It was a good day.